For those of you who have not already done so, but wish to join the Catfish Alliance, you must post your intention to do so. Just append a message to this thread stating your intentions.
I will give a silver dollar to anybody who is able to post the text to the monologue wherefrom the Catfish Alliance gets its name!
How To Join The Catfish Alliance
Started by
Guest_Irate Mormon_*
, Oct 29 2007 09:53 PM
17 replies to this topic
#2
Guest_daveneely_*
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Posted 29 October 2007 - 11:46 PM
For those of you who have not already done so, but wish to join the Catfish Alliance, you must post your intention to do so. Just append a message to this thread stating your intentions.
I will give a silver dollar to anybody who is able to post the text to the monologue wherefrom the Catfish Alliance gets its name!
Can't help you there, but just jab a piebald madtom spine under your thumbnail then do the little herky-jerky dance that you do in such circumstances (with subtitles turned on and volume turned up!). Presto! It's the Catfish Alliance!
(in my own case, it was a frecklebelly...)
Cheers,
Dave
#3
Guest_fishlvr_*
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Posted 30 October 2007 - 06:36 AM
For those of you who have not already done so, but wish to join the Catfish Alliance, you must post your intention to do so. Just append a message to this thread stating your intentions.
I will give a silver dollar to anybody who is able to post the text to the monologue wherefrom the Catfish Alliance gets its name!
I'd like to join.
I'd really like that silver dollar too. Looks like it's time for the almighty: Google.com!
#4
Guest_tglassburner_*
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Posted 30 October 2007 - 09:40 AM
I will give a silver dollar to anybody who is able to post the text to the monologue wherefrom the Catfish Alliance gets its name!
Let me know when you want my address to send me that silver dollar!!!
Arlo Guthrie - Story of Reuben Clamzo
by Arlo Guthrie
Wanna hear something? You know that Indians never ate
clams. They didn't have linguini! And so what happened
was that clams was allowed to grow unmolested in the
coastal waters of America for millions of years. And
they got big, and I ain't talking about clams in
general, I'm talking about each clam! I mean each one
was a couple of million years old or older. So imagine
they could have got bigger than this whole room. And
when they get that big, God gives them little feet so
that they could walk around easier. And when they get
feet, they get dangerous. I'm talking about real
dangerous. I ain't talking about sitting under the
water waiting for you. I'm talking about coming after
you.
Imagine being on one of them boats coming over to
discover America, like Columbus or something, standing
there at night on watch, everyone else is either drunk
or asleep. And you're watching for America and the
boat's going up and down. And you don't like it anyhow.
But you gotta stand there and watch, for what. Only he
knows, and he ain't watching. You hear the waves
lapping against the side of the ship. The moon is
going behind the clouds. You hear the pitter patter of
little footprints on deck. IS THAT YOU KIDS? IT AIN'T.
MY GOD. IT'S THIS HUMUNGUS GIANT CLAM!
Imagine those little feet coming on deck. A clam twice
the size of the ship. Feet first. You're standing
there shivering with fear, you grab one of these. This
is a belaying pin. They used to have these stuck in
the holes all around the ship ..you probably didn't
know what this is for; you probably had an idea, but
you were wrong. They used to have these stuck in the
holes all along the sides of the ship. Everywhere.
You wouldn't know what this is for unless you was that
guy that night.
I mean, you'd grab this out of the hole, run on over
there, BAM BAM on them little feet! back into the
ocean would go a hurt, but not defeated, humungus
giant clam. Ready to strike again when opportunity
was better.
You know not even the coastal villages was safe from
them big clams. You know them big clams had an inland
range of about 15 miles. Think of that. I mean our
early pioneers and the settlers built little houses
all up and down the coast you know. A little inland
and stuff like that And they didn't have houses like
we got now, with bathrooms and stuff. They built little
privies out back. And late at night, maybe a kid would
have to go, and he'd go stomping out there in the
moonlight. And all they'd hear for miles around...
(loud clap/belch)....one less kid for America. One more
smiling, smurking, humungus giant clam.
So Americans built forts. Them forts. You know them
pictures of them forts with the wooden points all
around. You probably thought them points was for Indians.
But that's stupid! 'Cause Indians know about doors. But
clams didn't. Even if a clam knew about a door, so what?
A clam couldn't fit in a door. I mean, he'd come stomping
up to a fort at night, put them feet on them points, jump
back crying, tears coming out of them everywhere. But
Americans couldn't live in forts forever. You couldn't
just build one big fort around America. How would you go
to the beach?
So what they did was they formed groups of people. I mean
they had groups of people all up and down the coast form
these little alliances. Like up North it was call the
Clamshell Alliance. And farther down South is was called
the Catfish Alliance. They had these Alliances all up and
down the coast defending themselves against these
threatening monsters. These humungus giant clams. And
they'd go out there, if there was maybe fifteen of them,
they'd be singing songs in fifteen part harmony. And when
one part disappeared, that's how they knew where the clam
would be.
Which is why Americans only sing in four part harmony to
this very day. That proved to be too dangerous. See, what
they did was they'd be singing these songs called Clam
Chanties, and they'd have these big spears called clampoons.
And they'd be walking up and down the beach and the method
they eventually devised where they'd have this guy, the
most strongest heavy duty true blue American, courageous
type dude they could find and they'd have him out there
walking up and down the beach by himself with other chicken
dudes hiding behind the sand dunes somewhere.
He'd be singing the verses. They'd be singing the chorus.
And clams would hear 'em. And clams hate music. So clams
would come out of the water and they'd come after this one
guy. And all you'd see pretty soon was flying all over,
the sand flying UPANDOWNTHEBEACHMANMANCLAMCLAMMANMANCLAM
MANCLAMCLAMMANUPANDDOWNTHEBEACHGOINGTHISWAYANDTHATWAYUP
THEHILLSINTHEWATEROUTOFTHEWATERBEHINDTHETREESEVERYWHERE
FINALLYTHEMANWOULD jump over a big sand dune, roll over
the side, the clam would come over the dune, fall in the
hole and fourteen guys would come out there and stab the
crap out of him with their clampoons.
That's the way it was. That was one way to deal with them.
The other way was to weld two clams together. l don't
believe it. I'm losing it. Hey. What can you do. Another
night shot to hell.
Hey, this was serious back then. This was very serious.
I mean these songs now are just piddley folk songs. But
back then these songs were controversial. These was
radical, almost revolutionary songs. Because times was
different and clams was a threat to America. That's right.
So we want to sing this song tonight about the one last...
You see what they did was there was one man, he was one
of these men, his name will always be remembered, his
name was Reuben Clamzo, and he was one of the last great
clam men there ever was. He stuck the last clam stab,
the last clampoon into the last clam that was ever seen
on this continent.
Knowing he would be out of work in an hour. He did it
anyway so that you and me could go to the beach in
relative safety. That's right. Made America safe for the
likes of you and me. And so we sing this song in his
memory. He went into whaling like most of them guys did.
And he got out of that when he died. You know, clams was
much more dangerous than whales. Clams can run in the
water, on the water or on the ground, and they are so big
sometimes that they can jump and they can spread their
kinda shells and kinda almost fly like one of them flying
squirrels.
You could be standing there thinking that your perfectly
safe and all of a sudden WHOP....That's ' true...And so
this is the song of this guy by the name of Reuben Clamzo,
and the song takes place right after he stabbed this clam
and the clam was, going through this kinda death dance
over on the side somewhere. The song starts there and he
goes into whaling and takes you through the I next...
I sing the part of the guy on the beach by himself. I go
like this: "Poor old Reuben Clamzo" and you go "Clamzo Boys,
Clamzo". That's the part of the fourteen chicken dudes over
on the other side. That's what they used to sing. They'd be
calling these clams out of the water. Like taunting them,
making fun of them. Clams would get real mad and come out.
Here we go. I want you to sing it in case you ever have an
occasion to join such an Alliance. You know some of these
Alliances are still around. Still defending America against
things like them clams. If you ever wants to join one, now
you have some historic background. So you know where these
guys are coming from. It's not just some 60's movement or
something, these things go back a long time.
#5
Michael Wolfe
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Posted 30 October 2007 - 12:17 PM
You Rock... that is one of the all time great monologues... I cannot believe you posted the whole thing... I love Reuben Clamzo!
...and if this is really where he got it from, it is another in a bizarre series of elements that (it scares me to say) link me to Martin.
...and if this is really where he got it from, it is another in a bizarre series of elements that (it scares me to say) link me to Martin.
Let me know when you want my address to send me that silver dollar!!!
Arlo Guthrie - Story of Reuben Clamzo
by Arlo Guthrie
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. - Benjamin Franklin
#6
Guest_tglassburner_*
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Posted 30 October 2007 - 01:33 PM
I had to post the whole thing!!!!!!You Rock... that is one of the all time great monologues... I cannot believe you posted the whole thing... I love Reuben Clamzo!
...and if this is really where he got it from, it is another in a bizarre series of elements that (it scares me to say) link me to Martin.
Should I start the Clamshell Alliance?
#12
Guest_fundulus_*
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Posted 04 November 2007 - 06:18 PM
There has already been a Clamshell Alliance, the umbrella group of organizations opposed to the construction of the Seabrook, NH, nuclear power plant in 1976-78. The last time I was arrested was as a member of the Clamshell Alliance in May, 1977 for criminal trespass on the construction site. My case was continued, so I'm not on the lam....I had to post the whole thing!!!!!!
Should I start the Clamshell Alliance?
#13
Guest_Casper Cox_*
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Posted 05 November 2007 - 06:41 PM
mr guthie says...
and they are so big
sometimes that they can jump and they can spread their
kinda shells and kinda almost fly like one of them flying
squirrels.
i had a flying squirrel. i werent scared of it then or now. if arlo had said "flying monkees" that would have been a whole nother level and would stopped all my beachside activities. i just never knew a humongous clam could walkabout and be twice as big as a mayflower. too bad none of those chowder receipes were passed down. i guess they didnt have enough tupperware for all the leftovers.
im glad tennessee is landlocked.
casper
and they are so big
sometimes that they can jump and they can spread their
kinda shells and kinda almost fly like one of them flying
squirrels.
i had a flying squirrel. i werent scared of it then or now. if arlo had said "flying monkees" that would have been a whole nother level and would stopped all my beachside activities. i just never knew a humongous clam could walkabout and be twice as big as a mayflower. too bad none of those chowder receipes were passed down. i guess they didnt have enough tupperware for all the leftovers.
im glad tennessee is landlocked.
casper
#14
Guest_Irate Mormon_*
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Posted 06 November 2007 - 11:27 PM
i had a flying squirrel. i werent scared of it then or now.
Same here. It bit. I'm not scared of 'em either! Some people are scared of squirrels - it's true! There's a name for it. It's TRUE!
Anyway, now you know the whole story of the Catfish Alliance.
#15
Guest_tglassburner_*
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Posted 07 November 2007 - 07:40 AM
I will give a silver dollar to anybody who is able to post the text to the monologue wherefrom the Catfish Alliance gets its name!
Gentlemen, we have a winner!
I have your address already Tom - your prize is on the way in a couple of days.
Still waiting on my silver dollar....
Do I get bonus points for this----> Clamzo Video?
I'll look at this one until mine gets here.
And don't worry I'll give a chance to win it back!!!
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